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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, marketers have left no stone unturned to entice customers. Certain fast food companies and restaurants now tie up with schools to endorse their products. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#marketers #stone #customers #food #companies #restaurants #tie #schools #products #development
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With the rise of health awareness these days, some fast food merchants and brands have been seeking more approaches to promote their products to wider audiences,
such
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 as cooperating with schools, which has raised numerous disputed voices. In my view, I believe that
this
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 will undoubtedly affect children's future development in general, and here are some discussions for why it may leave
such
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 negative impacts. The cooperation between certain fast food brands and schools would damage young people's health habits and diminish school performance. Several reports have revealed that the earlier the children establish healthier eating habits, the less likely they will grow up with diet-related issues. If children have easy access to unhealthy diets and consume too much oily and salty foods, it will eventually affect their academic achievement.
For example
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, statistics from CNN have shown that youngsters perform poorer at the academy when consume all those unhealthy choices, making them less focused on academics and developing more inevitable health issues.
Furthermore
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, poor performance in academics can
also
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 lead to unsatisfied future career development. Namely, school achievement can affect their varieties and options toward course pursuit,
while
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 those who make healthier decisions can grow up with a greater capacity for creativity and intelligence.
For instance
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, a great number of articles from Japan have disclosed that more than half of those who exhibit a more successful career in each industry developed the perspective of eating healthily since they were at school. In conclusion, the idea of the fast food industry tying up with schools or education-related places is an action that should be prevented, considering young people should not be granted easy access to unhealthy foods at
such
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 a young age. Not only will
this
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 exercise eventually affect young adults' academic performances, but
also
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 it will harm their future career preferences.
Submitted by naya840609 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the overall argument and use transition words to connect ideas more effectively.
task response
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task prompt, including presenting both the positive and negative aspects of the issue and providing a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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