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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of Jeans for two companies next year in Turkey.The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in Jeans at the end of next year.

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of Jeans for two companies next year in Turkey.The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in Jeans at the end of next year.
#bar #sales #jeans #two #companies #year #turkey #market
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The figures illustrate the approximate number of jeans sold
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 companies and their estimated market share in the coming year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 people will buy more in December and the two firms will share half of the market with other competitors. Starting from January, the sales of jeans in Jack & Jones will be four times higher than
Use synonyms
Mango
Change preposition
in Mango
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 trend will continue until July and August
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
Mango
Use synonyms
 will sell more products than its competitor. In December, residents tend to buy more
clothings
Change the wording
clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
show examples
 from Jack & Jones than its opponent, nearly one-third more.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the pairs of jeans sold in
Decmeber
Correct your spelling
December
 are six-fold in
Mango
Use synonyms
 and two-fold in Jack when compared to January. The predicted market share of Jack & Jones will be 10% higher than
Mango
Use synonyms
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 winter season since Jack sells more goods
overall
Linking Words
.
Submitted by Idiotbb  on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words mango with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • estimated sales
  • projected market share
  • dominant player
  • competition
  • consumer choice
  • pricing strategies
  • market trends
  • marketing campaigns
  • economic conditions
  • fashion trends
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