IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

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Damaging the
environment
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 by humans is a clear problem in today's world. There are certain problems
such
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 as vehicles, gases and waste;
however
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, taking possible actions either individually or by governments can be a boon to curb these issues. The first and foremost concern is that the vehicles which use fossil fuels extract toxic gases to the
environment
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. Put simply, releasing the poisonous gases might harm the depletion of the ozone layer - is an indispensable asset to protect ourselves from detrimental sunlight. To cite an example, it is unavoidable to acknowledge that the ozone layer has been erased for years
according to
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 the World Health Organization, which means the average temperature of the Earth will be increased without respite.
Moreover
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, pollution is another rampant threat people insist on not wanting to be aware of what is happening in the world. Polluted seas, arid rivers and changed climate exemplify the gravity of the problem in terms of our
environment
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. With regards to the solutions, implementing apt solutions under the supervision of several experts might lead to alleviating issues. One of the main remedies, which can be achieved by governments, is to construct solar panels to obviate the damages of the non-renewable oil sources.
For instance
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, Tesla Solar Panels a company established by Elon Musk in 2010 produces panels that are used to regenerate sunlight into an energy source, and it offers a pure nature to us.
Furthermore
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, undertaking responsibilities intentionally by individuals can open a door to addressing these problems. To cite an example, dumping our debris into recycling containers
instead
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 of roads and preferring electrical cars are actions that people can easily do.
To conclude
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, despite the concerns about the damage to the
environment
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, being aware and taking action is substantial to fight environmental pollution.

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on the explanation of how governments and individuals can address environmental damages to ensure a complete response.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are relevant and generally clear, but further development and explanation of points would enhance the comprehensiveness of the essay. Consider adding more details and elaborating on your examples to provide a thorough understanding of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Providing specific, real-world examples strengthens the essay. Continue to use examples like the Tesla solar panels to illustrate your points, but make sure they are directly relevant to the part of the prompt you're discussing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay to yield a better sense of coherence. Although the essay has a recognizable introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your ideas are arranged logically to a certain extent, but clearer transitions between sentences and ideas would improve readability and flow. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are supported, but the support could be more detailed. Elaborate on your supporting points by providing additional evidence, explanation, and examples that directly link back to the main argument of each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollution: contamination, emissions, pollutants, industrial waste
  • Deforestation: habitat loss, biodiversity, urban development, logging
  • Climate Change: greenhouse gases, global warming, fossil fuels, renewable energy
  • Overfishing: unsustainable, fish stocks, marine ecosystems, conservation
  • Waste Production: non-biodegradable, plastics, recycling, waste management systems
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