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Band 6.5

People can eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than that only locally made. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #variety #food #areas #regions #development
I have been living in Brisbane, Australia for approximately one year. Since I came here, my main purpose was to learn English as a second language,
then
 I took an intensive
program
 course at ILSC College focused on the IELTS test in order to learn not only vocabulary but
also
 all the required techniques to reach a high score. In July, I took my IELTS test, achieving an
Overall
 Score of 7.5, and my current English level at the school is A2 ++ with an attendance of more than 95%. I have attached the supporting evidence of my school attendance and the IELTS certificate Nowadays, once I have already reached my language target, I have considered taking
this
 ‘Graduate Diploma’ because of its well-balanced curriculum.
This
program
 offers an integrative educational
program
 with core and specialization subjects, having special training in digital and health informatics
as well as
 Health Policy and Advocacy’ which are not available in my country.
As a consequence
 of
this
, I have decided to study
this
program
 to learn all the above-mentioned strategies in order to be implemented in my country. About my economic resources, since I was working as a medical practitioner in Colombia, I saved money to pay for my English
program
 and living arrangements.
Additionally
, my family has completely supported me, and my father has sponsored me. In order to support
this
, I attach my bank statements to prove I have received international monetary support from my father, who is called ‘Josue Balmes Agudelo Patiño’,
as well as
 his bank certification as financial solvency support.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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task achievement
Your task response could be improved by more directly addressing the essay prompt. Ensure you answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and provide a balanced discussion of both sides.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to relate to the essay prompt about food variety and regional production. This essay appears to be focused on educational and financial background, which is off-topic.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas should be more clearly linked to the prompt about food availability and regional vs. local production. Include specific examples related to the topic for better support.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates good command over language, and the intentions behind your arguments are clear.
coherence cohesion
You have included details and examples which make parts of the essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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