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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
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Some
people
 argue that their houses are shelters and other places may not safe enough to live in. They feel a sense of fear and decide to stay at home and do nothing.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 reckon adopting active actions is important to prevent crime. To my point of view, I agree with the latter and I will explain it
as well as
 discuss both thoughts in
this
 article.
To begin
 with, it is 100% reasonable when it comes to the thought that we can't change anything with our actions, especially when we face a life-matter problem.
For example
, if we want our society to enjoy a piece,
then
 we need some
people
 to fight with the bad guys no matter if they are gangsters or rappers. Those who stand for protecting their community's safety will take the risks of being murdered or blackmailed, or even worse: gangsters carry out threats to their families' lives.
However
, as far as I am concerned, I believe that there are some actions that can be taken to prevent crime without too much sacrifice.
First,
asking for assistance from the government. The government has powerful and available soldiers and police. It will be helpful if the authority provides an army to sweep the gangsters and establish a new order.
Second,
investing more resources in the educational industry. Through education, we can fix the problem from the root to some degree.
Last
 but not least, if moving to other safer cities can be an option,
then
 just escaping where you live now. In fact, in countries at war, citizens will make every effort to leave their hometowns and no one will blame them.
To sum up
, to take action or not? That will be a serious problem. To
people
 living in the fear of crime, protecting themselves would be the first emergency. Of course, we should examine every possible solution and strive to tackle the issue. But if there is nothing we can do , maybe leave and let go will be the best medicine.
Submitted by ba06109071 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not fully developed. The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is connected in a logical sequence to build coherence and cohesion in the essay.
task response
The essay addresses the task to some extent, but the response is not fully developed. Include a clear discussion of both views as well as a balanced opinion. Ensure that the main points are supported with relevant examples and arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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