IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think rapid population growth in cities only benefits people who live there, while others believe that it has negative impacts. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, urbanisation has become a pressing concern. Some individuals assert that the rise of population in
cities
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 is advantageous for the residents,
while
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 others opine it has adverse impacts.
This
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 essay intends to analyse both perspectives
along with
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 my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, it is considered worthwhile for residents of the
cities
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 to have more inhabitants. First and foremost, is the development of the infrastructure, as when more
people
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 are residing in the city centre, the higher authorities need to invest more in providing better services to their residents.
For instance
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, in
cities
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such
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 as Mumbai, where the population is rising, the government is utilising more funding for better amenities
such
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 as health, education and others.
This
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 would ultimately lead to the growth of the metropolitan area.
Apart from
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this
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, more businesses are being established in the urban areas to meet the job demands in the market, which in turn raises the living standard of
people
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend has negative impacts that cannot be ignored. A high number of vehicles on the roads gives birth to traffic congestion and diffusion of harmful gases, which have a detrimental impact on the flora and fauna.
For example
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, in Delhi, where the population is rising at an alarming rate,
people
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 are facing the problem of high levels of air pollution, which are causing the birth of several diseases.
Moreover
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, when more
people
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 are living in city centres, there are fewer chances of securing jobs. As individuals have more experience and relevant skills,
then
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 businesses give their priority to hiring employees with more experience. In conclusion,
according to
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 my opinion, individuals have to think wisely about when moving to
cities
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 for a better future. They should
also
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 consider the negative impacts of city life on their personal and professional lives.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly establishes the topic and your intention to discuss both views, consider making your thesis statement a bit clearer, emphasizing that you will present your opinion after discussing both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are logically structured, but the transition between the two sides could be enhanced with stronger linking phrases that clearly indicate the shift from one perspective to the other.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the negative impacts section with more details or examples. Providing a counterbalancing example of how businesses might also struggle with a larger population could create a more nuanced argument.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction that establishes the topic and hints at your opinion.
task achievement
You include relevant examples, like the situations in Mumbai and Delhi, which effectively illustrate your points regarding infrastructure development and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoints and reinforces the importance of considering both sides of urbanization.
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