Today more people are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What is the main effect of this?

#people #effect

Overweight is of concern in today's world. My essay seeks to look at some causes and effects of

this

problem.

To begin

with, lack of exercise is a primary factor. The most perpetuating reason

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

white collar careers which likely prohibit

people

from being active.

For instance

, Ama Adomah my banker friend, has gained significant

weight

over a period of 1 year of gaining employment. Her

lifestyle

is sedentary as she spends several hours sitting to serve customers.

Also

, she barely is able to make time to engage in physical activities as she works for long hours and gets home late. Sadly, most

people

are making money at the expense of their health. Next is poor eating habits. Most individuals have busy

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

schedule

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

makes it difficult for them to have time to eat healthy meals.

For example

, working as a doctor in Ghana, I spend close to 12 hours at work each day.

This

has made it impossible for me to cook and eat at home. I mostly consume fast food to be able to keep up with

the

Change the word

show examples

busy

lifestyle

. These fast foods are prepared for commercial purposes and mostly contain large quantities of fats and oils. Studies

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

proven a strong association between

weight

gain and

high fat

Add a hyphen

high-fat

show examples

consumption. Unfortunately, having a busy

lifestyle

is making

people

not capable of making healthy meal choices. Meanwhile, there are numerous negative effects of obesity. The prime of which is

development

Add an article

the development

a development

show examples

of cardiovascular disease. The heart pumps blood around our bodies and

this

pump doesn't work well in

people

with huge body

weight

. Other important

health related

Add a hyphen

health-related

show examples

issues linked to overweight are stroke, diabetes and hypertension.

People

who gain so much

weight

can develop

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

low

self esteem

Add a hyphen

self-esteem

show examples

Replace the word

too

show examples

To sum up

, there are several factors that can give rise to obesity, mainly

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle

and poor eating choices. These

consequently

leads

Correct subject-verb agreement

lead

show examples

to adverse health problems.

Submitted by nmaureen03 on Fri Sep 15 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

317 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What is the main effect of this?

Fully explain your ideas

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