IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #railways #roads
Many believe that the government should allocate more money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 building railways rather than roads. I unequivocally agree with
this
 statement for two reasons. The first reason is that building public transport and promoting
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 could reduce air pollution,
in addition
 to saving lives
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
otherwise
 lost
due to
 road accidents. The population of the world is increasing at a rapid rate and many prefer commuting using their private automobiles
such
 as cars or bikes.
Hence
, as more people use private transport, more exhaust gases
such
 as CO₂ and CO are released into the atmosphere.
This
 increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution which in turn results in global warming.
For instance
, the University of Texas published a study stating that air pollution has increased in the US by 5% as automobile ownership increased by 20%. As seen evidently, there is a direct correlation between the two and using public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
such
 as trains could reduce global warming.
Similarly
, an increased congestion in roads is an effect of overpopulation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and has resulted in abundant road accidents.
For example
, surveys state that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road accidents
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased by 10% in 2023
due to
 increased
cogestion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 and traffic.
Hence
, relying on public transport
such
 as trains could be a safer option.
In addition
, one gets to reach their destination faster as railway tracks aren't faced with traffic. In conclusion,
although
 building roads could mean that one could comfortably travel from one point to another, building more railways could reduce the threats caused
due to
 global warming.
Submitted by vani13padmakumar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Focus on providing a balanced view by discussing counterarguments as well.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: