IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural ares. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural area for sometime. Other people think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#countries #facilities #ares #people #teachers #doctors #work #area #graduation
In some nations, medical or educational facilities have been a problem in a small village.
Hence
, the vast majority of people trust that fresh
graduate
 teachers and doctors should prefer to work in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 rather than decide whatever they want to work on. In
this
 statement, I strongly agree that it is very crucial to relocate a fresh
graduate
 by working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
backcountry
Correct article usage
the backcountry
show examples
 to expose the actual problems. First and foremost, newly qualified will get hands-on experience
to handle
Change preposition
in handling
show examples
 a group of people who have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
severe pain in
outback
Add an article
the outback
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it will affect on equal distribution of labor and backwoodsman will get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medical and educational access easily without going to the city which
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 far from their home.
For example
, people in Papua New Guinea are suffering
a serious injuries
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious injuries
a serious injury
show examples
 but they can not do anything because there is not enough expert to handle it in their area.
Consequently
, they made their own herbs to lower the pain.
However
, it is undeniable that fresh
graduate
 wants to seek
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
opportunities
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a big city by having
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 career path because they want to get a reward after
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 hard and
finish
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 their study from a college.
Nonetheless
, the government can have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
regulations by implementing an internship
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 woodland before graduation.
Therefore
, they will be exposed to the actual trouble and can have
an innovations
Correct the article-noun agreement
innovations
an innovation
show examples
 to solve the problem. In conclusion, rural area is still important to be prioritized by the new university
graduate
 to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 on even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 want to seek a chance in a big city. In the future,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society must be aware that higher education
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not only for our pride but
also
 to help each other
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 our own value.
Submitted by aulia2207nadila on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: