IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

6.) Drug abuse is becoming a problem in our society. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions

Some
people
Use synonyms
 said that
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
 is going to be a huge
problem
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Punctuation problem
society,
show examples
 caused by many reasons
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the official is trying to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution for it to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the
public
Check wording
public's
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moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
. First of all, it is undeniable that addictive materials are spreading around the world and
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 for a long time. Nowadays, it is already
accessed
Replace the word
accessible
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 in the local and the
most
Correct word choice
main
show examples
 concern is youths because they are a vulnerable
person
Check wording
group
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the research,
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
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minor
Punctuation problem
minor,
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 is growing because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 wrong
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 and
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 among them.
For example
Linking Words
:
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 Mate amphetamine, cocaine, and other addictive items that were used in the TV drama
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 the minor to repeat that
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Meanwhile, in adults,
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
 was used for
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
seen
Verb problem
seemed
show examples
 to be more radical in the veteran group.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
problem
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be solved as soon as possible to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 and secure the city.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 wrong value in the minor should be solved by campaigning and
rising
Use the right word
raising
show examples
 the awareness of the danger of it.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same time,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social welfare should be provided to
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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venerable
Use the right word
vulnerable
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
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 who
has
Verb problem
are
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 a high risk
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
use
Use the right word
abuse
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. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example: the homeless and veteran must
be received
Wrong verb form
receive
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 the
carrier
Use the right word
career
show examples
 training and budget support to start
the
Correct article usage
a
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 new life for
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
narcotic
Fix the agreement mistake
narcotics
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the protection was
implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the therapy for the addicted
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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importance
Replace the word
important
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 because
state
Correct article usage
the state
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 to build, so that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the recovery program to bring them back to
normally
Replace the word
normal
show examples
 life is a key to complete as well. In conclusion,
abuse
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
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 may
causes
Wrong verb form
be caused
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 there are
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions which can be used to solve each
problem
Use synonyms
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protection and prevention.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the restoration is
also
Linking Words
 the key to
sustain
Wrong verb form
sustaining
show examples
 the security of the state.

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content
Use a clear plan. Say the causes first, then add good, plain ideas for a solution. Give one or two well explained examples.
structure
Make the flow smooth. Use link words and put each main idea in one new paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence in each paragraph.
language
Keep the sentences short and fix big grammar mistakes. Check spelling and form of words so the sense is easy to read.
content
The essay shows the topic and tries to give both cause and cure.
structure
There is some use of order words like 'secondly' to show steps.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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