IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays most of the nation's pupils like to work
while
Linking Words
 they are going for education. Some believe
this
Linking Words
 is inappropriate for children. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
 ,essay I will share my opinion with some examples. On the one hand, most of the students work
due to
Linking Words
 their financial condition.
Such
Linking Words
 as, there are some teenager who need to support their education so it is important for them to do part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the UK government has approved that all youngsters can do part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
 which will help them to gain some experience
while
Linking Words
 they are in university.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 activity will improve their practical knowledge as well it is a platform for them to become responsible which will provide them with self-confidence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if students will only focus on their classes and choose not to do work
this
Linking Words
 practice can help them to be better in their studies.
However
Linking Words
, in ,
this
Linking Words
 they can attend all the lectures and ask questions to their professor and peers which can help them to tackle the difficulties.
For example
Linking Words
, In ,India most of the students attend the regular period and believe to be excellent in their education journey so they can get their dream
jobs
Use synonyms
. To sum, Up, a part-time job can provide financial support and practical experience.
While
Linking Words
 others believe in giving all attention to their studies. In my , opinion we should do part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 schooling.
Submitted by pr6272189 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. The main points are not adequately supported or explained, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response lacks depth and development. The ideas are not fully clear or comprehensive, and the examples provided are not entirely relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: