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Band 5.5

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support
Nowadays most of the nation's pupils like to work
while
 they are going for education. Some believe
this
 is inappropriate for children. I completely agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 ,essay I will share my opinion with some examples. On the one hand, most of the students work
due to
 their financial condition.
Such
 as, there are some teenager who need to support their education so it is important for them to do part-time
jobs
.
For instance
, the UK government has approved that all youngsters can do part-time
jobs
 which will help them to gain some experience
while
 they are in university.
Moreover
,
this
 activity will improve their practical knowledge as well it is a platform for them to become responsible which will provide them with self-confidence.
Furthermore
, if students will only focus on their classes and choose not to do work
this
 practice can help them to be better in their studies.
However
, in ,
this
 they can attend all the lectures and ask questions to their professor and peers which can help them to tackle the difficulties.
For example
, In ,India most of the students attend the regular period and believe to be excellent in their education journey so they can get their dream
jobs
. To sum, Up, a part-time job can provide financial support and practical experience.
While
 others believe in giving all attention to their studies. In my , opinion we should do part-time
jobs
together with
 schooling.
Submitted by pr6272189 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. The main points are not adequately supported or explained, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response lacks depth and development. The ideas are not fully clear or comprehensive, and the examples provided are not entirely relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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