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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information about car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007.

The graph below gives information about car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007.
#information #car #ownership #britain
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The given line graph compares the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 owning a
car
Use synonyms
 in Britain during the 36-year period between 1971 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the percentage of households who had
cars
Use synonyms
 soared gradually. Supplementary, the figure for individuals with one
car
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 without a
car
Use synonyms
 plunged during the given period of time. For the first 4 years,
people
Use synonyms
 with three or more
cars
Use synonyms
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 the same level,
while
Linking Words
 those who used two
cars
Use synonyms
 rose to 10%. In the following four
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who had 2
cars
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged.
Similarly
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 used three or more
cars
Use synonyms
. The rest of the time witnessed a substantial growth in the figure of
people
Use synonyms
 with 2
cars
Use synonyms
 to approximately 30%,
whereas
Linking Words
 households with three or more
cars
Use synonyms
 increased slightly to 6%. From 1971 to 2007, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who had one
car
Use synonyms
 increased to nearly 45%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, households with no
car
Use synonyms
 experienced a substantial fall to 45%. For the next 32 years, the
people
Use synonyms
 have only one
car
Use synonyms
 after some fluctuation conserves the same percentage at about two-fifths,
however
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 without
cars
Use synonyms
 dropped by 25%.
Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, car, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantial" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • household
  • trend
  • fluctuate
  • increase
  • decrease
  • ownership
  • period
  • peak
  • dip
  • noteworthy
  • consistent
  • dramatic
  • highlight
  • significant
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