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Band 6.5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People are of the view that
children
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 will perform better in
school
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 when offered rewards than when
when
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apply
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punished. I completely disagree with
this
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. On the
one
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 hand, rewards are mostly reserved for outstanding performances or good behaviour. I cannot imagine how odd it will be for a pupil with bad behaviour to receive a reward. Aside from the act of not feeling right, the character of
children
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 is shaped during their
school
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 days and their brains quickly register what they see, so once they learn society smiles upon not well-behaved people, they will be encouraged to display unpleasant behaviours in
school
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 just to be rewarded too.
On the other hand
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, by convention,
punishment
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 is reserved for those who go against the rules of society and it is no different from what happens at teaching institutions. Normally, wrong-doers even expect to be penalised. First of all,
punishment
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 brings shame and discomfort to offenders so it serves to deter them from repeating the same act again.
In addition
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, it deters the other folks of the
school
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 as well. To illustrate
this
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, I stopped littering at junior high
school
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 after I was made to sweep the whole
school
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 compound for dropping an empty bottle to the ground.
Secondly
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,
punishment
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 grooms well-behaved students. To illustrate
this
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, some
schools
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 in Ghana have a limit to which repeated acts of indiscipline by the same pupil will lead to
one
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 being permanently sacked from
school
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. The outcome of
this
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 as known to parents and students alike is a bad record on
one
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's file which can be retrieved years after they have left the
school
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. The consequence is its effect on their employment status in adulthood. For fear of being unemployed even after attaining formal education, most students after receiving
one
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punishment
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 change for the better.
Finally
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, studies carried out by Sir Steve Wonder at various
schools
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 concluded that
schools
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 that discipline their
children
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 have several of them with good behaviours compared to those that
did
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do
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 not.
Hence
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, it is clear punitive measures are required in our
schools
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 to instil some discipline in the
children
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.
To sum up
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, it is evident that
children
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 are likely to be at their best when punished for wrong-doing.
Therefore
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, I completely disagree with the fact that perpetrators of
school
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 law should be rewarded.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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