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Band 5

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #school
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Some people say that punishment is the best means for children to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
perform. But I never agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. On the one hand, If elders are disadvantaged for students because of their performance, how they could feel? As been punished, Children could feel devastated. When I was a child, my teacher wanted me to get a great score on
school
Use synonyms
 tests. She believes that the right discipline makes me have more force than before. Sometimes I ruined my test, she did it to me. But because of her acting, I lost positive thinking. It has controlled my past and I lost many chances
while
Linking Words
 growing up. After graduating from
school
Use synonyms
, I have to make double an effort to recover my mind. Of course, I know my class teacher had done all things for me, but it was had a negative mind. In my opinion, many youngsters might be the same as me.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rewards can encourage student's achievement. If there is a big deal, students would compete to gain that. By
this
Linking Words
 race, it can be grown up them better. My friend always did hard in
school
Use synonyms
 to get some benefit. Ultimately she was admitted to the best university in Korea. Having watched her, I decided to live harder. The advantage of profit doesn't limit one person. It has functions for developing groups.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I can say rewards in
school
Use synonyms
 have a positive influence entire society. Throughout these two views, in
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 reward is a better method than punishment in
school
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teachers or old people must give rewards to children
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 outcomes.
Submitted by girl21237 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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