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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.
The pie chart depicts the share of the
energy
Use synonyms
 used in
Australian
Use synonyms
 households represented in percentage. The table illustrates the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 used in a year
according to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of members in the
house
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
energy
Use synonyms
 is used in heating and cooling the most,
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest share of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for
stand by
Add a hyphen
stand-by
show examples
 power.
Apparently
Add a comma
Apparently,
show examples
 as the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occupants increases, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 used in an
Australian
Use synonyms
 household increases. Most of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used in heating and cooling the most at 38 per cent followed by water heating which uses a quarter of the total
energy
Use synonyms
.
Australian
Use synonyms
 people use 7 per cent of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 in lighting
likewise
Linking Words
 fridges and freezers. Among all of the ways
energy
Use synonyms
 is consumed in
Australian
Use synonyms
 houses,
stand by
Add a hyphen
stand-by
show examples
 power uses the least
energy
Use synonyms
 at merely 3 per cent. The
amount
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 used by 1 person in a
house
Use synonyms
 is 5000 to
6500 kilowatt
Add a hyphen
6500-kilowatt
show examples
 hours yearly, and
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 rises to 12,000 to 16,000 when the
number
Use synonyms
 of occupants is 6 or more.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 used in the
house
Use synonyms
 that has 6 members is actually less than the
house
Use synonyms
 having 1 member.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, australian, amount, electricity, number, house with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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