IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some imformation is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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There have been conflicting views about how should
people
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share
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information
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 with each other in scientific research, business and the academic World.
While
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 some
people
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 say that it should be shared freely,
the
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apply
show examples
others believe that some
information
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 is too crucial and essential to be shared which I
also
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 definitely agree with.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides. Those who argue that it is good to
share
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 knowledge or make
information
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 transfers have innocent reasons to believe that. They believe knowledge can grow as much as they
share
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 and
people
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 need to reconnect, ignore their egos and
share
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 more and more
information
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 with each other for a greater future.
For instance
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,
last
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 year in Holland, Peter Hawk , the biologist, released his mindblowing article related to protein synthesis in the lungs freely and it led to another research based on vaccination for lung cancer.
However
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, there are myriad
people
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 who make their living with
this
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 significant
information
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. On the other side of the argument, there are
people
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 who say some of the
information
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that is
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 too significant cannot be shared freely. Some scientists, businessmen or researchers strive and spend their whole lives to receive just one essential
information
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 or create a new product with
this
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 essential
information
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. They and I
also
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 believe that they have a right to demand payment for all their efforts or just not
share
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 any
information
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 related to their work because they make money from
this
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 key
information
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 and make a living.
For instance
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, if one company makes all their data accessible, their competitors can learn their latest technology and make it.
This
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 situation leads to making markets uncompetiable and causes companies to slowly collapse. In conclusion, should the important
information
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 be shared freely?
While
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 some believe all
information
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 needs to be shared for the greater good, some and
also
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 I believe some
information
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 may be hidden or money may be demanded for their efforts to continue to make their living.

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task response
Address the task more directly and express a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected and develop a stronger connection between ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to strengthen your arguments.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of sentence structures and pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy.
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