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Band 4.5

Many people are moving from rural areas to big cities, why has this happened? To what extent do you think it is a good trend?

#people #areas #cities #trend
At present, a part of
Correct article usage
the populations
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populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 migrates from
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 to urban areas. They may believe that it is easier to find a job
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and live a more comfortable life in
cities
,
nevertheless
,
this
 trend will bring a lot of problems. There are two main reasons why people choose to move their residence to
cities
. First of all, there is a relatively tense population in an urban area, which produces more
employment
 opportunities, relatively speaking, it is easier to get a higher salary.
This
 means increasing living standards, and more products are affordable.
By comparison
, there are few
employment
 opportunities in rural areas,
due to
 many imperfectly developed professions, and lower consumption power. Another reason is that urban residents are easier to obtain public services than rural dwellers, including education, health care and better living standards. Young parents hope their children can receive a better education in
cities
, thereby,
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
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 away from poverty. The increasing
urban
Correct quantifier usage
number of urban
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 inhabitants will pose a stress on facilities and housing.
Since the
Correct word choice
The
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 lack of land makes it challenging for some
cities
 to accommodate a large number of populations. Lots of migrants have to reside in slums eventually, and suffer harsh conditions,
as a result
 of unaffordable houses. Diseases are more popular
,
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apply
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 because urban facilities cannot meet the supply of clean water, household garbage disposal, sewage treatment and so on. One of the main problems of countryside transfer is that the income gap between urban and rural residents is widening, not narrowing. Ambitious, energetic, diligent and creative young men are willing to go to
cities
 for studies and
employment
.
Thus
, the lack of labour force in rural areas makes it really difficult to revive the economy of
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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.
On the contrary
, some of the youth in
cities
 choose to commit crimes because of the wealth gap. In conclusion, poor
employment
 prospects and economic backwardness of
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 result in population migration. It is a worrying trend.
Submitted by 365038807 on

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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