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Band 2.5

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, tasks). Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #services #information #tasks #development
These days a lot of
people
desire
Add the particle
todesire
show examples
 receive things immediately. The main reason for
this
 is rapid technological progress and the consequence is that
people
 can
negatively
Add a missing verb
be negatively
show examples
 affected by it because
people
 becoming more impatient. The
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of technology is one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
 wish
get
Add the particle
to get
show examples
 things fast. In today’s
fast-pased
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
world technology has been rising step by step and smartphones ,
high-speed
Correct word choice
and high-speed
show examples
 internet
available
Add a missing verb
are available
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
.
Moreover
, nowadays a lot of
people
 have a modern
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
,
therefore
, they use their
time
 effectively and get
information
 very quickly to perform their work.
Therefore
,
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
information
 quickly allows them
allocate
Add the particle
to allocate
show examples
 their
time
 effectively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it enables balance
work
Change preposition
between work
show examples
 and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
time
. In our world staying informed is essential. Instant
information
 helps
people
 to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 events, trends and developments
However
,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of technology and getting
information
 very quickly may impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. Quick access to
information
 can reduce critical thinking of
information
,
therefore
, it can lead to aggressive behaviour .
People
 might reduce
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 vision if they do not stop
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
information
 quickly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because unstopped getting
information
 can lead to some
Correct your spelling
diseases
diases
Correct your spelling
diseases
,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 insomnia, attention issues and mental.
Therefore
, spending a lot of
time
 on devices can lead to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. In conclusion, getting
information
 very quickly may lead
people
 to some issues,
therefore
,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 their health.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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