IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The top priority of business is making money and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree ot disagree.

#priority #business #money #responsibilities #ot
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It is a matter of question whether the sole aim of businesses is to make profits and not concern themselves with social responsibilities. I do not agree with
this
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. On the one hand, the main reason why most companies are established is to make profits.
This
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 is of benefit to the job owner and
also
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 to ensure the business keeps running. It is mostly out of the financial gains generated that salaries are paid to the employees. With the lots of competition there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
, firms need to maintain certain standards at the workplace and
this
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 is achieved through the profits made
On the other hand
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, it is generally expected that companies have the welfare of their workers at heart. As long as we are humans we are likely to face some challenges and it will be great if our work colleagues and bosses extend some love to comfort us. A survey at
Atomic
Correct article usage
the Atomic
show examples
 Energy Commission firm revealed
from
Change preposition
that
show examples
 most employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are encouraged to work even harder whenever the Company head makes them feel they have their interest at heart through
for example
Linking Words
 accompanying workers to bury a loved one and not just the services they have to render.
Also
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, working firms should
also
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 make
provision
Fix the agreement mistake
provisions
show examples
 to enhance the development of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 employees
such
Linking Words
 as encouraging them to subscribe to insurance companies that will cater for their health through
settlement
Add an article
the settlement
a settlement
show examples
 of hospital bills.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly think employers should be encouraged to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 whilst having the social aspects of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 workers at heart.
Submitted by nmaureen03 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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