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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the proportion of businesses making e commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015and 2019

The chart below show the proportion of businesses making e commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015and 2019
#show #proportion #businesses #e #commerce #purchases #industry #canada
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The chart above depicts
information
 about the proportion of e-commerce business purchases in 5 periods between 2015 and 2019 in manufacturing, construction,wholesale, retail and
information
 and communication.
Overall
, all the directions
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 businesses in e-commerce are increasing
year
 by
year
. Construction and
wholesales
Fix the agreement mistake
wholesale
show examples
 have the same
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 of
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 and almost the same results.
Moreover
, wholesales,
information
 and communications have the biggest proportion of sales
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 period.
To begin
 with,
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
 and
retails
Correct subject-verb agreement
retail
show examples
 had 30% of sales in 2015 and both rapidly increased to 50% in the next
year
,
however
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 decreased in the next
year
 and raised step by step to 60% in the
last
 period
while
retails
Correct subject-verb agreement
retail
show examples
 stayed on the same point of 50-55% in the next 3 periods.
On the other hand
,
whole sales
Correct your spelling
wholesales
show examples
 and construction increased gradually,
year
 by
year
 increasing by 10-15%.
Also
, they peaked
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 highest point in 2019, 62% and 57% respectively. Since
measurement
Add a comma
,measurement
show examples
 the most popular and biggest proportion have
information
 and communication. In the beginning, having the number of 60% it peaked
75
Change preposition
at 75
show examples
% in 2018.
Submitted by filwayy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words information, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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