IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crimes” Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #crimes”
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In
this
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 day and age, there is a controversial debate about crime
penalties
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. Some people claim that stricter
penalties
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 are the best decision to reduce crime
while
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 others state to use other measures which are appropriate to human rights
instead
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 of severe prisons. Actually, I agree with two sides and elaborate on my perspectives in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, stricter
penalties
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 are basically crucial to help people they can make society the best place without any illegal acts
such
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 as rape, murder and extreme fraud for other innocents in the area. For ,instance imprisonment prevents somebody from being killed, breaking human rights or damaging an individual’s property.
As a result
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, human beings can feel themselves out of danger and go on their habits calmly. From another angle, other measures can be approved by opponents against extremely severe punishments as a workable way to decrease offence. Meanwhile , my perspectives impress that alternatives
such
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 as appealing to offenders to do community work or education, not only can aid them in not being estranged and alienated from society but
also
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 curb them from committing unlawful activities again. For ,instance criminals are contributed to work widening roads or mining activities that are more effective for them.
To sum up
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, needless to ,say stricter
penalties
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 should be set for serious crimes which can not be controlled by remaining criminals in the freedom.
However
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, some alternatives can be used to punish people who act small and unserious frauds. Both sides have crucial roles on which they depend .
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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task response
Your essay lacks clarity in presenting and developing ideas. Make sure to give a clear position on the topic and support it with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The structure and organization of your essay need improvement. Work on providing a clear introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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