IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passengers miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passengers miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
#numbers #incidents #injuries #million #passengers #miles #pmt #transportation #type
The chart illustrates the
number
 of
injuries
 and
incidents
 per 100
million
 passengers on five different types of transportation ( commuter
rail
, heavy
rail
, light
rail
,
bus
 and
demand
 response) in 2002.
Overall
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
incidents
 and
injuries
 were reported
on
Add a hyphen
on-demand
show examples
demand
 responses,
while
 the lowest
number
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 reported for commuter
rail
.
Additionally
, the
number
 of
incidents
 per 100
million
PMT
 was always more than that
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 one for
injuries
. The highest
number
 of
incidents
 and
injuries
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
belonged to
demand
 responses with 225 and 173 per 100
million
PMT
,
while
 the lowest
number
was belonged
Change to the active voice
belonged
has belonged
show examples
 to commuter
rail
 with
approximately10
Correct your spelling
approximately 10
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
demand
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
 with 20 and 17 per 100
million
PMT
 respectively. The people who were travelled by
bus
 were the ones who exposed to
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
high
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 rate of road accidents with 76 for the case of
incidents
 and 66
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
injuries
. In the case of light
rail
Add a comma
,rail
show examples
 the
number
 of
incidents
 was similar to the one of
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
,
while
 the
number
 of
injuries
 was almost two
third
Correct your spelling
thirds
show examples
 in comparison with
bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
. Heavy
rail
 was the second
safe
Correct word choice
safest
show examples
 type of transportation with almost 50
incidents
 per 100
million
PMT
 and 35
injuries
 per 100
million
PMT
.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, injuries, incidents, million, rail, bus, demand, pmt with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
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