IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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My journey began with a Bachelor's degree in Computer Engineering, a field that honed my analytical and problem-solving
skills
, leading to academic and professional success, but I couldn't ignore a growing sense of misalignment between my
skills
 and my true passions. It was during the introspective phase that I
realise
Wrong verb form
realised
show examples
 that I am deeply passionate about holistic living, sustainable practices, and the interplay between
business
 and the well-being of individuals and the environment. Recognizing the immense potential for positive impact at the intersection of
business
 and sustainability, I decided to pursue a graduate degree in
business
 to leverage my
skills
 and education for a greater purpose – the promotion of holistic living, sustainability, and conscious
business
 practices. In the short term, my goal is to work as an associate, within globally recognized consulting firms like Accenture, BCG and Deloitte specialising in consumer goods and services. I aspire to assist organizations in enhancing their
product
 offerings by integrating sustainability and eco-conscious principles.
This
 career trajectory will provide me with the opportunity to develop critical problem-solving and strategic thinking
skills
,
cultivate
Correct word choice
and cultivate
show examples
 a robust professional network, and the exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diverse industries would broaden my understanding of the global
business
 landscape. As I advance in my career, my mid-term objectives include transitioning into roles as a
Product
 Manager and
subsequently
 a Marketing Manager.
Product
 Management intrigues me as it will allow me to hone my leadership and organizational
skills
while
 allowing me to oversee the entire
product
 lifecycle, from ideation to production.
Following
this
, I plan to venture into Marketing Management, leveraging my strategic acumen to increase
brands
Change the noun form
brand
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 visibility and
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 consumer demand in the realm of
eco- products
Correct your spelling
eco-products
show examples
 and services. These roles will
also
 enable me to bridge the gap between strategic planning and on-ground execution. My ultimate vision is to become a founder of a sustainability-focused enterprise. Empowered by the knowledge,
skills
, and experiences obtained during my MiM journey,
along with
 the insights gained from my consulting and managerial roles, I see myself launching a venture dedicated to advancing sustainable living practices. I am particularly enthusiastic about exploring innovative domains
such
 as plant-based nutrition, yoga
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sustainable fashion and skincare, which align seamlessly with my passion for holistic living and environmental stewardship.
Submitted by Gopi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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