IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

This graph provides us with percentage information about four entertainment attractions that most visited by tourists in Brighton among 1980-2010.

This graph provides us with percentage information about four entertainment attractions that most visited by tourists in Brighton among 1980-2010.
#percentage #information #four #entertainment #attractions #tourists #brighton
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This
Linking Words
 graph provides us with
percentage
Use synonyms
 information about four entertainment attractions that
most
Add a missing verb
were most
show examples
 visited by
tourists
Use synonyms
 in Brighton
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1980-2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
visitors
Use synonyms
 of
pavilion
Use synonyms
 rose,
while
Linking Words
 the
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Pier
Correct article usage
the Pier
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low level
percentage
Use synonyms
 in comparison with other entertainment centres. In
addiion
Correct your spelling
addition
,the
visitors
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
 centre rose in 1985 and had a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 drop in 1990. As we see, the
tourists
Use synonyms
 that visited
Pavilion
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 were in high
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 brilliant 48
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 which is
really
Correct article usage
a really
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 high level in comparison with
Use synonyms
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 gallery that reached 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of visited
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 1995.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can observe the
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 rise of visited
tourists
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 of
Pavilion
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 between 1985 and 1995,
while
Linking Words
 the
visitors
Use synonyms
 of
Art
Use synonyms
 gallery fell steadily from 1987 to 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Festival
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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 between 1980-1995 and
then
Linking Words
 a
gradually
Change the word
gradual
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 rise from 23
percent
Use synonyms
 to 28
percent
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 between 1995-2010.
Besides
Linking Words
, from the
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can clearly see of
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 in Pier
that had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated wildly in comparison with
Use synonyms
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 gallery and reached 22
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2010
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, tourists, visitors, pavilion, art, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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