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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.
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The bar chart provides information about the percentage of three sectors (
agriculture
, manufacturing,and
business
 and financial) that contributed to the growth of The United
Kingdom
Change noun form
Kingdom's
show examples
 Economy between 1990 and 2000.
Overall
, the
contribution
 of
business
 and finance increased during the time frame.
However
,
agriculture
 and manufacturing decreased. On the one hand,
business
 and financial data showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive trend that we can see clearly from the first year, it only contributed around 5% as the lowest
contribution
.
However
, it ended at the highest position in 2000.
Business
 and finance had a dramatic growth of 30% from 5% to 35%. In every year's data tabulation, it went up around two times.
On the other hand
, manufacturing and
agriculture
contribution
 remained decreasing.
First,
manufacturing gave a
contribution
 of approximately 45%,
although
 after a 100-year
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 it went down to nearly 20% which dropped twofold. Even though
agriculture
 had the same trend as manufacturing, it experienced growth slightly from 1900 to 2000 before falling for the next 50 years as the lowest 
contribution
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, business, contribution with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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