IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #advances #cultures #two
It is true that with the growth of
technology
, traditional
cultures
 will be diminished.
As a result
, we cannot have these two things simultaneously. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
 statement for several reasons. On the one hand, there are some benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the advancement of
technology
.
Firstly
, the vital objective of
technology
 advances is
alleviate
Fix the infinitive
to alleviate
show examples
people
's lives.
For instance
, in the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
 there were no smartphones
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
people
 could communicate with other individuals and share their comments, but nowadays with a wide range of applications like Facebook
people
 can make friends with other nations without any limits.
Secondly
, in today's
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 the volume of data is increasing, and
people
 have access to different information in the minimum time.
For example
, individuals who want to commute to another country
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can visit many websites that provide any type of information
such
 as historical monuments, cuisine and
cultures
.
However
, in the past
people
 did not have the opportunity to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 information.
On the other hand
, traditional
cultures
 are one of the most important parts of nations that cannot easily be lost. Because there are several reasons. One of the most important reasons is that with the growth of
technology
, nations are willing to show their
cultures
 and historical background in an effective way to attract more
people
 to visit their country.
For example
, on some websites and
applications
Add a comma
,applications
show examples
 they can put some great pictures of their
custume
Correct your spelling
costume
cultures
 and write descriptions about the history behind that. In conclusion, It is inevitable that as
technology
 progresses, traditional
cultures
 will be lost. And we cannot have these two parts at the same time.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • advancement
  • globalization
  • dilutes
  • traditional cultures
  • social media
  • blending of cultures
  • preservation
  • platforms
  • adaptability
  • technological adaptations
  • uphold
  • consequence
  • integrate
  • cultural frameworks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: