IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that the world is now one large village and we are all responsible for each other. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the development of traffic makes
people
Use synonyms
 easily travel or visit other countries,
therefore
Linking Words
, several experts regard the
world
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enormous village, and all of the
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
 need to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other. In my personal notion, I definitely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, and the following content will list the reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the whole
world
Use synonyms
 is our neighbours in
this
Linking Words
 generation. In the past, even though
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 close,
people
Use synonyms
 didn’t know each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
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 the barrier of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance and information.
In contrast
Linking Words
, attributing to the innovation of the technology, the connection with other countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not a problem anymore.
For instance
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, in ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 took two weeks to travel from Taiwan to Japan, but now they only need two hours by plane without taking the risk of life. The distance between different nations
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 closer.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
take
Verb problem
has
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 a stronger impact
with
Change preposition
on
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 each region, in either
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 or negative way.
Due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 our nations closer, the influence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local events or behaviours will expand to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the
world
Use synonyms
. In
late
Correct article usage
the late
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twenty
Correct your spelling
twentieth
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 century, Japan was suffering a serious economic crisis, the real estate and the stock market dropped to miserable numbers,
however
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,
this
Linking Words
 local incident shocked the worldwide financial market and gave the whole
world
Use synonyms
 a shock. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic brings
people
Use synonyms
 in various parts of the
world
Use synonyms
 together and every portion of the
world
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 connected. In my opinion, we are living in a global village which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 everyone on
this
Linking Words
 planet.
In addition
Linking Words
, just a tiny nation on the earth can
lead
Verb problem
have
show examples
 to huge impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others,
as a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address the question prompt. Develop your ideas more comprehensively to provide a more complete response. Use relevant and specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay so that it follows a clear and logical structure. Try to improve the introduction and conclusion by making them more explicit and relevant to the topic. Additionally, ensure that each point is well-supported and connected to the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnectedness
  • global village
  • global citizenship
  • moral and practical obligations
  • economic globalization
  • interdependent
  • domino effect
  • collective responsibility
  • environmental stewardship
  • sustainable practices
  • cultural exchange
  • global awareness
  • economic disparities
  • political conflicts
  • cultural differences
  • global solidarity
  • digital divide
  • closely knit community
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