IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Sugar additives in packaged food are major problems in today’s manufactured food resulting in public health issues
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension.
This
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 is the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 suggests that the government should impose heavy taxes on it to multiply product cost so that
people
Use synonyms
 will be discouraged from opting for these products. I do partially agree with the statement as I feel it is not an ultimate idea to abandon these
items
Use synonyms
. Imposing huge taxes on
such
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 goods obviously helps certain groups of
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid purchasing
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 expensive.
However
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,
for
Change preposition
apply
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those who can afford will always buy and bear certain health problems.
For instance
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, a packet of biscuits costs Nu. 100, if the government increases it by 100%, it costs just Nu.200. It remains affordable for those who are rich and desperate for these
items
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.
Therefore
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, it’s of no use sometimes to make
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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 expensive
in discouraging
Change preposition
to discourage
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people
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, there are other groups of
people
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 who are much more economical where they will count every penny and value them. For
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 solution to make them aware of
hit
Correct article usage
the hit
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 of the price and decrease their consumption.
Moreover
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, those who are of the middle-income group become effortless to buy when the prices of the goods hike.
Then
Linking Words
 certainly they will switch these
items
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 as on-essential
items
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 and buy only if
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 genuine, so for these
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 it serves the purpose. In a nutshell, for the public to reduce or sometimes
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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clean up the consumption of these sugary
items
Use synonyms
 unnecessarily it is good to control certain populations but more or less another half would remain uncontrolled.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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