IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Sugar additives in packaged food are major problems in today’s manufactured food resulting in public health issues
such
 as diabetes and hypertension.
This
 is the reason why
people
 suggests that the government should impose heavy taxes on it to multiply product cost so that
people
 will be discouraged from opting for these products. I do partially agree with the statement as I feel it is not an ultimate idea to abandon these
items
. Imposing huge taxes on
such
 goods obviously helps certain groups of
people
to
Verb problem
apply
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avoid purchasing
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 expensive.
However
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who can afford will always buy and bear certain health problems.
For instance
, a packet of biscuits costs Nu. 100, if the government increases it by 100%, it costs just Nu.200. It remains affordable for those who are rich and desperate for these
items
.
Therefore
, it’s of no use sometimes to make
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
 expensive
in discouraging
Change preposition
to discourage
show examples
people
.
Nevertheless
, there are other groups of
people
 who are much more economical where they will count every penny and value them. For
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 solution to make them aware of
hit
Correct article usage
the hit
show examples
 of the price and decrease their consumption.
Moreover
, those who are of the middle-income group become effortless to buy when the prices of the goods hike.
Then
 certainly they will switch these
items
 as on-essential
items
 and buy only if
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 genuine, so for these
people
also
 it serves the purpose. In a nutshell, for the public to reduce or sometimes
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
clean up the consumption of these sugary
items
 unnecessarily it is good to control certain populations but more or less another half would remain uncontrolled.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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