IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that entering the workplace after school is far more beneficial than studying at university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #workplace #school #university
There has been an argument about whether it is better for everybody to start
workin
Correct your spelling
working
workin'
 immediately after
school
, or
instead
, continue their study at university. I think it really depends on
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 preference and we cannot impose a rule for everyone. Because,
although
 the more time you put into the work you like, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher chance that you will succeed, I believe there are some
people
 who need time to figure it out.
Moreover
, for some jobs, higher
education
 is an important requirement.
Firstly
, young
people
 who graduate from
school
 are less likely to be aware of their career
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 for the rest of their lives. Actually, I think going to university creates enough space and opportunity for
people
 to see what jobs they will fit in. I personally, did not know what is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
my dream job and to be fair, I
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
experience
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 quite a few short careers here and there before I came to that I wanted to be a neuroscientist. So, jumping straight into the workplace after
school
 might leave
people
 unsatisfied after they figure
our
Correct your spelling
out
show examples
 what exactly they are into.
Secondly
, there is a high possibility that NASA won't hire me because of my lack of knowledge. A lot of jobs need higher
education
. Some companies require great skills in mathematics, literature, or medicine
while
 these are only taught in schools to some extent which is not enough.
For instance
, you cannot be a doctor and save
people
's lives by only attending
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 biology classes.
Hence
, some companies require
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 background in science and one cannot pursue their career there unless they have higher degrees of
education
.
To conclude
, a lot of
people
 think that it is way better for somebody to enter the work environment right after
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 graduate from
school
.
However
, not a lot of
people
 are lucky enough to have found the purpose of their life at that age and to find that out, they need more time.
Furthermore
, the path to
succees
Correct your spelling
success
 in some careers
cross
Correct subject-verb agreement
crosses
show examples
 higher
education
 and without a university degree, one doesn't get a chance to prove himself in the beginning.
Submitted by parham.moonesi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Workforce
  • On-the-job training
  • Student debt
  • Career ladder
  • Academic knowledge
  • Vocational training
  • Critical thinking
  • Networking
  • Hybrid approaches
  • Long-term advantages
  • Financial situations
  • Personal goals
  • Industry demands
What to do next:
Look at other essays: