IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. Do you agree with this? What does this trend cause?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #adolescents #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are inspired by the fame and wealth of superstars rather than their achievements. I believe the phenomenon undermines the growth of the next generations, especially their
values
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with the development of social media figures post their daily lives to expose their wealth, more and more
teenagers
Use synonyms
 might be attracted to and imitate them, like bragging. There are several drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, celebrities lose the positive influences that they should have and cultivate inferior theories regarding money and
values
Use synonyms
 in youngsters.
For example
Linking Words
, a renowned athlete could affect adolescents by spreading correct
values
Use synonyms
, like working hard, self-discipline and cooperation that help the young group build positive insights.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 celebrities post their treasure without educational intention, the content still implies that success is based on bare money, not effort.
Therefore
Linking Words
, owing to their significant power of influence, the group of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 might be taught in an opposite direction that impacts their lives forever.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the phenomenon may
also
Linking Words
 hurt pupils' concentration on studying. Normally, students are supposed to learn to apply to higher education to explore the world and decide their careers.
However
Linking Words
, by imitating celebrities to pursue fame, youngsters might overlook the importance of studying which results in inferior learning outcomes.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
values
Use synonyms
 and understanding of young crowds may be twisted. In conclusion, I disagree a superstars should be known for their wealth and glamour rather than dedication because the trend affects
teenagers
Use synonyms
 negatively from how they view the world and success.
Submitted by xiaol8616 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the essay clearly addresses the given prompt and provides a well-developed argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to create a stronger and more cohesive essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise language to enhance the essay.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve the overall fluency of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: