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Band 4.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
One
 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
students
 under pressure.
One
 of the biggest problems for young people
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they always working hard in their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will look at why it’s caused.
One
 of the main causes of pressure is
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 or university
system
. Mostly in CIS,China,Japan and South
Korea
Add a comma
,Korea
show examples
 schools
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
strict
Add an article
a strict
the strict
show examples
system
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 in
China
Add a comma
,China
show examples
 children have to be in
school
 from morning to evening. All South Korea’s
students
 need
pass
Fix the infinitive
to pass
show examples
exam
Correct article usage
the exam
show examples
 in
one
 day. In
this
 day forbidden to drive a car,motorcycles,airplanes,
all
Correct word choice
and all
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 that makes noises.
This
 country’s government trying to make all citizens perfect and smart.CIS
countries
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country's
countries'
show examples
school
system
 is strict because there a few educated people. It is a result of
repression
Add an article
the repression
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 of educated intellectuals in
XX
Correct article usage
the XX
show examples
 century. The second cause that might be noted in my view is many international exams. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
,especially those in CIS or South East Asia countries wants
study
Add the particle
to study
show examples
 in Ivy League universities. Because
,
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apply
show examples
there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no good universities or colleges. The first cause mentioned above
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 led to
students
sleeps
Wrong verb form
sleeping
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and eats
show examples
eats
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
less . They are always exhausted and sleepy. They don’t have any time for the rest. Even for some hobbies. They
are studies
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 in
school
 after that they
are goes
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to additional classes after that they
are studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 online or at home. Goes sleep
in
Change preposition
at
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 2 or 3 A.M.
Its
Replace the word
It's
it is
show examples
 harmful to health. Another problem that follows is that unique children
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
school
 and leave without their highlights.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 desperately trying to kill highlights of kids . Because when
school
 to oblige wear same clothes and be like others. Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
system
mades
Correct your spelling
puts
students
 under pressure
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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