IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
Use synonyms
 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
students
Use synonyms
 under pressure.
One
Use synonyms
 of the biggest problems for young people
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they always working hard in their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will look at why it’s caused.
One
Use synonyms
 of the main causes of pressure is
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 or university
system
Use synonyms
. Mostly in CIS,China,Japan and South
Korea
Add a comma
,Korea
show examples
 schools
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
strict
Add an article
a strict
the strict
show examples
system
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 in
China
Add a comma
,China
show examples
 children have to be in
school
Use synonyms
 from morning to evening. All South Korea’s
students
Use synonyms
 need
pass
Fix the infinitive
to pass
show examples
exam
Correct article usage
the exam
show examples
 in
one
Use synonyms
 day. In
this
Linking Words
 day forbidden to drive a car,motorcycles,airplanes,
all
Correct word choice
and all
show examples
 that makes noises.
This
Linking Words
 country’s government trying to make all citizens perfect and smart.CIS
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
show examples
school
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 is strict because there a few educated people. It is a result of
repression
Add an article
the repression
show examples
 of educated intellectuals in
XX
Correct article usage
the XX
show examples
 century. The second cause that might be noted in my view is many international exams. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
,especially those in CIS or South East Asia countries wants
study
Add the particle
to study
show examples
 in Ivy League universities. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no good universities or colleges. The first cause mentioned above
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 led to
students
Use synonyms
sleeps
Wrong verb form
sleeping
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and eats
show examples
eats
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
less . They are always exhausted and sleepy. They don’t have any time for the rest. Even for some hobbies. They
are studies
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
 after that they
are goes
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to additional classes after that they
are studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 online or at home. Goes sleep
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 2 or 3 A.M.
Its
Replace the word
It's
it is
show examples
 harmful to health. Another problem that follows is that unique children
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
school
Use synonyms
 and leave without their highlights.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 desperately trying to kill highlights of kids . Because when
school
Use synonyms
 to oblige wear same clothes and be like others. Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
system
Use synonyms
mades
Correct your spelling
puts
students
Use synonyms
 under pressure
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: