IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Prision is the best punishment for criminals. Do you agree or disagree?

#prision #punishment #criminals
It is believed by some people that
criminals
 should be punished best in jail.
However
, prisons are an acute part in order to control the crime rates. From my perspective, prisons can not fully curb the problem it will make criminal more aggressive and leads society into a threat zone. The foremost reason to deny
this
 notion is sent to prison is not the particular solution to the problem. Some
criminals
 commit crimes
such
 as stealing materialistic things or money because of their poor circumstances
such
 as poverty and to get medical treatment.
Also
, in the case of drug addicts, they are not even aware of right and wrong and they commit illegal activities against the law. Strict punishment like lockup in both scenarios can spoil the future of the
criminals
 because society looks upon them in disguise, provides a bad character certificate for their whole life and leaves them with a devastating career which results in a more aggressive and depressive nature.
On the other hand
, a better civilization is vital for building a secure society. The
criminals
 after completing their punishments in jail lose the feeling of socialization and develop a sense of blaming others for their circumstances. So anger and aggression force them to commit more crimes and harm the common people because they can not adapt themselves to the outer environment after spending a long time in the cell.
For example
, the reports from Indonesia revealed that most of the murders were done for money during
last
 year made by old prisoners who suffered from mental trauma.
To conclude
, to fully curb the crime, the aim should be to diminish the root of the problem rather than sending it to jail.
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task response
The essay lacks a clear stance and does not fully address the prompt. The ideas presented are not fully developed, and the examples provided are not directly relevant to the argument. Ensure a clear thesis statement and support your opinion with detailed arguments and relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, with unclear progression of ideas and limited coherence between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a clear and logical progression of arguments.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in expression. Use varied and precise vocabulary to convey ideas effectively. Avoid repetition and explore synonyms and related terms to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement to improve grammatical range and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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