IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Writing Task 2 Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? You should write at least 250 words. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #music #world #country #support #arguments #evidence
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Music
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, from
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time ago,
being
Wrong verb form
is
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one
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 important aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 life. There is
diversity
Add an article
the diversity
a diversity
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music
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 in the world that we recognize
at
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in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 era. The
melody
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melodies
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 that
made
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are made
show examples
 are useful for
performance
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performances
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 like theater, cinema, or orchestra. Nowadays,
music
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 can’t be separated from our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 since we keep listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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 in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Pedestrian
Fix the agreement mistake
Pedestrians
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 in the street, workers at their jobs, customers at the coffee shop, all of them are listening to the
music
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. The usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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become
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becomes
show examples
 important for us because we need it. Workers who are listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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 simply because they need
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
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music
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 as a white noise that helps them to concentrate their mind
during
Change preposition
while
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 doing their duty. An insomniac needs
music
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 because
music
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 calms their mind and it makes
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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easy to sleep. Cinema and
theater
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theatre
show examples
also
Linking Words
 need
music
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 to make it easier to build up the atmosphere and the emotions of the performance.
Music
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 itself
,
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apply
show examples
 sometimes has an identity as a culture and heritage themselves. The use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Replace the word
musical
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 tools that
different
Add a missing verb
are different
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 from
one
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 ethnic group is what
make
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makes
show examples
 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
distinctive characteristics, and those
what
Add a missing verb
are what
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 we call
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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as
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apply
show examples
traditional
music
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. Traditional
music
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 is often recognized as
a slow pace
Correct your spelling
slow-paced
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 tempo
music
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
music
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 that has
fast
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a fast
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 pace of the tempo
well-known
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is well-known
show examples
 as
a modern
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modern music
a piece of modern music
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music
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. Modern
music
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aimed
Wrong verb form
aims
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 to focus on self or group actualization and commonly can be enjoyed by
people
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 around the world. Collectively,
people
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 nowadays are listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
music
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 more than traditional
music
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. It indicates that modern
music
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more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 loved than traditional
music
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 by young
people
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 generation.
The globalization
Correct article usage
Globalization
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takes
Verb problem
plays
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 a big part in spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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 from
one
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 country to another, that what makes modern
music
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can be
Verb problem
apply
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accepted globally compared to traditional
music
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.
This
Linking Words
 is a good thing since we don’t have
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 for enjoying modern
music
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. But at the same time, it’s the fact that modern
music
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 made
people
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forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
music
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 as the heritage of the culture. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
music
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 is no longer become a
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
, it is feared that traditional
music
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 will disappear because no
one
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 can play or enjoy it.
However
Linking Words
, even
we
Correct word choice
if we
show examples
 like international
music
Use synonyms
 more, there must be a balance move to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
music
Use synonyms
, so we don’t forget its existence and the culture is not extinct.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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