IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #information #subjects #students #two #middle #schools #school #b #features #comparisons
The bar chart depicts information about the favourite subjects of
students
 from
school
 A and
school
B
.
Overall
,it is noticeable that
school
 A had the largest number of
students
 than
school
B
 in the period given.
Moreover
, sports in
school
 A were the most popular
subject
,
while
science
 in
school
B
 had the smallest quantity of
students
.
Furthermore
, there was a considerable difference in craft and drawing between the two schools.
To begin
 with sports, in
school
 A the quantity of
students
 was higher compared to
school
B
 , namely 36 and 5 respectively.
Furthermore
, the figure for
subject
 craft and drawing in
school
B
 was just 25,
whereas
school
B
 accounted for only 4. In terms of language,
school
B
 accounted for 18 which is three half times bigger than
School
 A ( 5). With regards to social
science
, there was a negligible difference in the number of
students
 between the two schools, with approximately 10 and 6.
However
,
subject
science
 had 9 numbers of people in
school
 A which is four times bigger than
school
B
.
Moreover
, the
subject
science
 in
school
B
 had the lowest number of
students
 over the period in question.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, moreover".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, school, b, subject, science with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • comparative data
  • favorite subjects
  • middle schools
  • horizontal axis
  • vertical axis
  • quantifies
  • preference
  • initial observation
  • significantly greater interest
  • shared enthusiasm
  • favored
  • attracts more students
  • draws the highest number
  • popularity
  • outliers
  • subject preferences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: