IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that boys and girls should attend school together. Others feel that they should be educated separately. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #boys #girls #school
In the modern world, we are discussing single-sex schools more and more frequently. Separated
education
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of them. Some people claim that boys and girls should attend together, others say that we should concentrate on divided
education
. In my opinion, there
Add a missing verb
are isa
show examples
isa
Correct your spelling
a
 number of
truth
Fix the agreement mistake
truths
show examples
 that we should study together not
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 separated.
Firstly
, people who say we should attend together, consider that it will not disturb the
education
 process. It could be explained by the fact that other
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 would get
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 experience and might increase their comprehension of
academy
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 material.
For instance
,
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
 courses, are intended to understand missing material.
On the other hand
, other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that dividing boys and girls as a group is the best way of schooling. Why had
not
Correct pronoun usage
they not
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enforce
Wrong verb form
enforced
show examples
 it previously they were
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the peak of popularity in
this
 period
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 Singe-sex
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in general may help enhance academic records.
Moreover
, the main
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
geniuses from there like Alfred Nobel or Bonaparte
which they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
changed
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 outlook to anything.
As a result
, it leads to a global discovery or essential historical events
which is occurred
Wrong verb form
that occur
show examples
 on Earth. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into consideration I would argue that both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 should exist in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportions without interfering
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 business.
However
, the view I support is
coeducational
Add an article
a coeducational
the coeducational
show examples
 system,
due to
 the fact it would significantly improve the social abilities of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 who merely started in primary
school
. Eventually, the child would not have any speaking issues with the opposite sex in comparison with children who study at single-sex
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and relevant to the topic. Provide a stronger logical structure to the essay with a clear progression of ideas.
task response
Address the task question more comprehensively by providing more detailed and relevant arguments for both sides. Include specific examples and evidence to support your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: