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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart provides some information about
revolutionary
Correct article usage
the revolutionary
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
Change preposition
as inhabitant
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inhabitant
Fix the agreement mistake
inhabitants
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 of Urban, Rural, and
Town
Fix the agreement mistake
Towns
show examples
 between 1955 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, both of them have
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 trend that
representative
Replace the word
represents
show examples
 residents by where they are born and living
merely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In 1995, 60
people
Use synonyms
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 mostly living in the
Cities
Use synonyms
, about
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
Towns
Use synonyms
, and 40
people
Use synonyms
 living in the Rural
Areas
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
similarity
Replace the word
a similar
show examples
 trend happens with
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 45
people
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 in the
cities
Use synonyms
, 20
people
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the
Towns
Use synonyms
, and 30
people
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the Rural
Areas
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2010, 60
people
Use synonyms
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 mostly living in the
Cities
Use synonyms
, about 10
people
Use synonyms
 living in the town, and 8
people
Use synonyms
 living in the Rural
Areas
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, it's around 65
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 living in the
Cities
Use synonyms
, and
balance
Correct article usage
the balance
show examples
 graph
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
 by around
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
Towns
Use synonyms
 and Rural
Areas
Use synonyms
. There
are have
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 changes between 1995 to 2010 which are
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to
lives
Change the verb
live
show examples
 in
Cities
Use synonyms
 higher than
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 it self. The same trend
was happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 by following
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who lives
show examples
lives
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
Towns
Use synonyms
 and Rural
Area
Fix the agreement mistake
Areas
show examples
likewise
Linking Words
 as
indigeneous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
 (born in
Australia
Use synonyms
) or outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities, towns, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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