IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that children should have duties such as household chores. Others think that children should be enjoying life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #duties #household #chores #life
Despite the fact,
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
 individuals consider that kids ought to have assignments
such
 as doing housework, others suppose that
children
 need to be amused by
life
.
However
, I am more inclined to believe that there should be
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between them.
To begin
 with, there are able to be many negative effects of providing many
duties
 for
children
, leaving them no time for their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. One of the crucial
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that it can lead to
narrow
Correct article usage
a narrow
show examples
 horizon in
children
’s
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
as a result
 of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time for personal
life
such
 as for any
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 activities or communicating with friends.
However
, if parents give
completely
Change the adverb
complete
show examples
 freedom for kids to enjoy
life
 without any
duties
, it will
also
 be
improperly
Change the word
improper
show examples
. It can become
Correct article usage
a causes
show examples
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of inability
of taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 any responsibility and decisions.
In other words
, they will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to
something
Add a missing verb
do something
show examples
 action independently and seriously without parental interference.
For instance
, my sister who has never got any
duties
 from our parents can not make any decisions alone.
Hence
, if there are
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between household chores and enjoying
life
,
children
 will
firstly
 be more responsible with
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 extended horizon .
To conclude
,
although
 some people believe that
children
 should have
duties
, others consider that they ought to
be enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
life
. From my perspective,
points
Correct article usage
the points
show examples
 of both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 are wrong and there should be
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between them
Submitted by filwayy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: