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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predicitions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predicitions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predicitions
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The provided graph expresses the information on
rate
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the rate
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 of the city
people
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 of
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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,
Malaysia
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,
Thailand
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, and
Indonesia
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 from the
year
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 1970 to 2020 where trends were upward
along with
Linking Words
 the forecasting of 2030 and 2040. Between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1970 to
2020
Add a comma
,2020
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people
Use synonyms
 of the four countries are more into cities. The
percentage
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 of the living
people
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 in the city
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased.
At
Change preposition
In
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 the
starting
Verb problem
beginning
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 almost 30%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 from
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and
Malaysia
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 were living in urban
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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. In
Thailand
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 and
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Indonesia
Add a comma
,Indonesia
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percentage
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 less than 13%. Till
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year
Change the article
the year
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2000
Add a comma
,2000
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 every citizen of the cities
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 elevated.
However
Linking Words
, in the
year
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 2010 ciztizen
percentage
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 rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined in the city
Philippines
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 by 5%, but again rose by near about 2% in the
year
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 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
 other
contries
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countries
 like
Malaysia
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,
Thailand
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, and
Indonesia
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Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of the citizens were improved. In the future citizen plan of the
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2030 and
2040
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,2040
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 all the citizens of four countries are going to live in the city-
Philippines
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,
Malaysia
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,
Thailand
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, and
Indonesia
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population
Fix the agreement mistake
Populations
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 are going to be 50%, 85%, 50% and 60% respectively in the
year
Use synonyms
 2040.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, philippines, malaysia, thailand, indonesia, year, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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