In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benifits if society has more eldery people .To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #benifits #society #eldery

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These days

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in more

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countries,

old

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the old

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people

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population

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Correct word choice

larger

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than the younger and children populations. Some

people

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say an ageing

poplulation creats

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population creates

problem

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problems

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for governments.Others believe there are

gain

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gains

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society

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has more

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eldery

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elderly

people

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. I will discuss

advantages

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the advantages

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outweigh the disadvantages and I give my opinion . On the one hand,Older

people

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are increasing.

Then

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number

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a number

the number

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of advantages are

creating

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created

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the

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apply

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society

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Firstly

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people

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can get

knowlegde

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knowledge

and experience from old

people

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. Because older

people

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are mature

human

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humans

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. They have

lot

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a lot

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experiance

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experience

and knowledge about

society

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, work areas and about life.

Secondly

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. adult

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people

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people's

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advices

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advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

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are

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very important for

youngers

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younger

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and

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apply

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children

as well

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and

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government

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the government

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can get help

fom

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from elderly

eldery

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people

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Furthemore

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Furthermore

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eldery

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elderly

people

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take

right

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the right

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decisions always.

For example

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, these days professors,

scientist

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scientists

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and specialist doctors that ,high

level

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high-level

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apply

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posisions

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positions

have

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eldery

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elderly

people

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as well as

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government and private sectors are nominating them for higher

posisions

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positions

position

due to

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knowledge and experience.

On the other hand

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, some disadvantages are increasing

being

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apply

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improving older

population

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In addition

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the goverment

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goverment

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government

should

spent

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spend

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more money

for

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show examples

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eldery

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elderly

people

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because

government

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the government

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Should give

retirment

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retirement

allowances

for

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older

people

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Therefore

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, money is

wasting

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wasted

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. Another thing,

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population

Add an article

the population

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is increasing.Spaces are decreasing. Nowadays younger adults leave

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apply

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their jobs because

lookaftering

Verb problem

they are looking

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for older

people

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.It is an advantage in a

society

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Moreover

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unemployments

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unemployment

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are

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increasing.

However

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people

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want to spend more money

for

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show examples

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

elderly

eldery

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elderly

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people

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people's

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medicine, food and other needs In Conclusion, I believe that

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apply

show examples

older

people

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are valuable

people

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in our world. They have experience and knowledge mostly.

Therefore

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Correct article usage

the goverment

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goverment

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government

governments

and

people

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should protect our

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eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

people

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Although

Linking Words

. I think that

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apply

show examples

the advantages of having an ageing

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Population

Fix capitalization

population

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outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by heshanij9 on Fri Sep 22 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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