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Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It has been observed that taking risks plays a vital role in individual’s both professional and personal lives.
While
 there are some drawbacks to taking risks in life, I believe its main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, one of the principal advantages is that risks will bring new opportunities to people’s lives.
For instance
, when people try to make new friends, they are, for sure, welcoming new relationships and connections that can be very intimate and benefit them in several ways. Another case in point can be the employees who opt to change their dull jobs and pursue what they truly love.
This
 situation may seem difficult at
first,
but will definitely give them a sense of satisfaction in the long term, especially when they achieve their goals and make more profits by doing that new job.
On the other hand
, a potential disadvantage may be experiencing failure that can be extremely detrimental and hard for some people to carry on with.
This
 would contribute to several psychological and physical problems that are not always easy to catch up.
For example
, when people tend to put their money
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 games so as to have it increased, they are likely to even lose the amount they had
initially
 and face financial problems.
Hence
, they are prone to feeling depressed and in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 they will not be able to continue their life. On balance, even though taking steps out of
comfort
Correct pronoun usage
your comfort
show examples
 zone may seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, I am strongly of the opinion that its positive effects in terms of having new opportunities and feeling accomplished override the drawbacks.
Submitted by mahtab.motevallian on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, more emphasis on expanding the introductory and concluding paragraphs would strengthen the overall impact.
coherence cohesion
While coherence is maintained through logical connectors and a sequential flow of ideas, greater variety in sentence structuring and a more sophisticated use of cohesive devices would improve readability.
task achievement
The main points are supported, but to achieve a higher score, provide more detailed examples and make sure they are specifically linked to the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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