IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
The educational
Correct article usage
Educational
show examples
 institutions should get the help of movies, computers and games rather than using
books
. I strongly agree with
this
 statement as it is an effective way of carrying out higher education.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
 it will ultimately benefit
to emerge
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 compatibility of students
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the world of
work
.
Firstly
, the audio, video and
three dimensional
Add a hyphen
three-dimensional
show examples
 approaches used to deliver lectures or lessons will enhance the successfulness of teaching and making students
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn. Children would show a better interest towards these digital media than
books
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the easy understandability and the ability to focus and memorize will let the students
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
use
 more and more of these technological methods than
books
.
For instance
, each and every school is provided with a number of computer labs with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technological aids to assist
to ease
Change preposition
in easing
show examples
 the learning process in many countries.
Secondly
, the
use
 of these
multi learning
Add a hyphen
multi-learning
show examples
 aids
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 to
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
skilled employee who is highly compatible
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the world of
work
. They will have an advanced technological literacy and through that organizational success can be driven to unimaginable levels by these employees who got exposed to
such
 kind of an education system.
For example
,
Covid
Correct article usage
the Covid
show examples
 outbreak led people to continue their professional
work
 to be conducted remotely which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 very successful among people who had
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of computer literacy. It was achieved by them through getting
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the habit of using computers since school period. To sum it up, I believe the schools should make
use
 of films,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and games
while
 avoiding the
use
 of
books
 in order to ensure a productive learning experience and to build up a perfect match to the world of
work
.
Submitted by tnirmani94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: