Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

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To prevent public disease and improve
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people
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people's
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health
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, a part of society considered
sports
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facilities
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are
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to be
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crucial,
while
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some
people
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disagreed
about
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with
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the argument. Others claim that
this
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solution would not solve the problems. So
this
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essay will discuss
about
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apply
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both views and solutions. On the one hand, Some
people
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believe more
sports
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facilities
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would be available to enhance public
health
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.
For example
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, if there is a sport where the
costs
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cost
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of membership
is
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are
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free near the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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,
people
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tend to come there because it is spacious enough for
people
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to
do
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apply
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exercise
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and
also
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have
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has
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a high-quality environment.
Moreover
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, it is difficult for
people
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to
do
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apply
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exercise
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everyday
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every day
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due to
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the load of
works
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work
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. Some workers finish their work at the same time as the gym
closed
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closes
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,
not
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and not
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everyone can afford
exercise
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equipment at home. So free
sports
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facilities
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can improve public
health
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.
On the other hand
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, There are some alternatives to help
people
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strengthen their bodies.
Strong
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A strong
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and healthy body not only
resulted
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results
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from
exercise
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but
also
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from the
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the
Correct article usage
an
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eating lifestyle. If
people
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have
a high calories
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high-calorie
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meals every day, it
subsequently
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results in
overweight
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being overweight
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despite a lot of
exercise
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.
Therefore
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, controlling eating habits can
also
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improve physical
health
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. In conclusion, Both solutions are important in preventing disease and improving
health
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. Increasing the number of
sports
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centers
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centres
show examples
can have many positive effects on public
health
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,but eating habits are
also
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essential.
However
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, I believe creating
sports
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facilities
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can achieve more healthy outcomes.
Submitted by Kthedprom on

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive introduction that clearly presents the two sides of the argument and your opinion. Also, ensure a stronger conclusion that sums up the main points and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, but ensure that you present a balanced view of both sides of the argument. Use specific examples and evidence to support your points and ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically connected throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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