Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

To prevent public disease and improve
people
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people's
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health
, a part of society considered
sports
facilities
are
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
crucial,
while
some
people
disagreed
about
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with
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the argument. Others claim that
this
solution would not solve the problems. So
this
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both views and solutions. On the one hand, Some
people
believe more
sports
facilities
would be available to enhance public
health
.
For example
, if there is a sport where the
costs
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cost
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of membership
is
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are
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free near the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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,
people
tend to come there because it is spacious enough for
people
to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise
and
also
have
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has
show examples
a high-quality environment.
Moreover
, it is difficult for
people
to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
everyday
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every day
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due to
the load of
works
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work
show examples
. Some workers finish their work at the same time as the gym
closed
Wrong verb form
closes
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,
not
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and not
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everyone can afford
exercise
equipment at home. So free
sports
facilities
can improve public
health
.
On the other hand
, There are some alternatives to help
people
strengthen their bodies.
Strong
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A strong
show examples
and healthy body not only
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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from
exercise
but
also
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from the
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the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
eating lifestyle. If
people
have
a high calories
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high-calorie
show examples
meals every day, it
subsequently
results in
overweight
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being overweight
show examples
despite a lot of
exercise
.
Therefore
, controlling eating habits can
also
improve physical
health
. In conclusion, Both solutions are important in preventing disease and improving
health
. Increasing the number of
sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
can have many positive effects on public
health
,but eating habits are
also
essential.
However
, I believe creating
sports
facilities
can achieve more healthy outcomes.
Submitted by Kthedprom on

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive introduction that clearly presents the two sides of the argument and your opinion. Also, ensure a stronger conclusion that sums up the main points and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, but ensure that you present a balanced view of both sides of the argument. Use specific examples and evidence to support your points and ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically connected throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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