Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

To prevent public disease and improve

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health

, a part of society considered

sports

facilities

are

Wrong verb form

to be

show examples

crucial,

while

some

people

disagreed

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

the argument. Others claim that

this

solution would not solve the problems. So

this

essay will discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

both views and solutions. On the one hand, Some

people

believe more

sports

facilities

would be available to enhance public

health

For example

, if there is a sport where the

costs

Fix the agreement mistake

cost

show examples

of membership

Change the verb form

are

show examples

free near the

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

people

tend to come there because it is spacious enough for

people

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

and

also

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a high-quality environment.

Moreover

, it is difficult for

people

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

due to

the load of

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

. Some workers finish their work at the same time as the gym

closed

Wrong verb form

closes

show examples

not

Correct word choice

and not

show examples

everyone can afford

exercise

equipment at home. So free

sports

facilities

can improve public

health

On the other hand

, There are some alternatives to help

people

strengthen their bodies.

Strong

Add an article

A strong

show examples

and healthy body not only

resulted

Wrong verb form

results

show examples

from

exercise

but

also

Change preposition

from the

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

eating lifestyle. If

people

have

a high calories

Correct your spelling

high-calorie

show examples

meals every day, it

subsequently

results in

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

despite a lot of

exercise

Therefore

, controlling eating habits can

also

improve physical

health

. In conclusion, Both solutions are important in preventing disease and improving

health

. Increasing the number of

sports

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

can have many positive effects on public

health

,but eating habits are

also

essential.

However

, I believe creating

sports

facilities

can achieve more healthy outcomes.

Submitted by Kthedprom on Fri Sep 22 2023

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coherence and cohesion

Provide a more comprehensive introduction that clearly presents the two sides of the argument and your opinion. Also, ensure a stronger conclusion that sums up the main points and clearly states your opinion.

task achievement

You have provided a complete response to the task, but ensure that you present a balanced view of both sides of the argument. Use specific examples and evidence to support your points and ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically connected throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best for both individual and society. Do you agree or disagree? give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons for your answers and include examples relevant to your experience.

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses, and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more that those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that the money spend on space exploration technology is not justifiable. The money should be spent on other beneficial things. To what extend do you agree or disagree?