There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.** To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

There is no denying the fact that

school children

Correct your spelling

schoolchildren

show examples

are under tremendous pressure to perform well in academics. It is not surprising, though.

Students

who score high grades in academics are more likely to have a successful career in the future. Most schools these days have a

curriculum

that includes both academic and non-academic

subjects

However

, many parents and teachers believe that non-academic

subjects

should be removed from the

curriculum

so that children can focus on academics.

This

might sound logical but I do not believe that removing non-academic

subjects

is the solution. To start with, non-academic activities like dance, drama, singing, cookery or physical education cause hardly any stress. In fact, they provide relaxation and help

students

concentrate better on academic

subjects

Also

, learning these

subjects

is essential for the

overall

development of children. There are many more reasons to include non-academic

subjects

in the

curriculum

. Not all

students

are academically brilliant.

However

this

will not be an issue if the student has skills in other areas.

For example

, a student does not need an A grade in physics or mathematics to be a successful singer, writer or painter. By encouraging

students

to engage in extra-curricular activities, schools can bring out their hidden talents.

This

will help not only the

students

but

also

the society. After all, not everybody is required to be a doctor or an engineer. The world needs athletes, writers, chefs and actors as well.

To conclude

, there is no point

Correct your spelling

show examples

eliminating non-academic

subjects

from the syllabus. In my opinion, schools should encourage

students

to pursue a career in a field of their choice.

This

would not be possible without including a variety of topics in the

curriculum

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Fri Sep 22 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

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