Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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The rapid advancement of technology changes how our society works.

Besides

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, easy access to technology and the

internet

Use synonyms

shifted our daily habits and behaviour.

This

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includes

children

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's behaviour related to the usage of gadgets. Not only

this

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phenomenon might help

children

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to grow, but

also

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it might hinder

children

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's development. Nowadays, access to

smartphones

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and the

internet

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is easier than ever. We can easily afford a smartphone with a small buck, roughly the cheapest costs about 1m rupiahs.

Moreover

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, almost all areas in

this

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world right now are covered by the

Internet

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Consequently

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, people tend to

use

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their

smartphones

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more often and it changed our ways of life.

For instance

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, new parents are relatively busy

due to

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their work and newborn baby.

Hence

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, a newborn baby who needs attention from their parents is given a gadget which plays some videos entertaining the kid

instead

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of getting attention from their mother or father. The parents choose

this

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way because it is an instant way to keep the kind quiet and they can do anything they have to do right at that moment.

This

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habit happens every day

thus

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it will cause some addictions to the child.

Therefore

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, some

children

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now spend most of their playtime in front of their glass screen . There are some benefits and drawbacks of

this

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demeanour. The advantage that we can get by

this

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manner is that the younger generation will be more tech-savvy compared to us.

That is

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a great thing since our current job market demand for tech jobs is higher than ever

thus

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being technologically literate is important. They

also

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can learn many things with their gadgets because they offer abundant education and knowledge.

However

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, there are

also

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drawbacks to

this

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behaviour. If they are not properly supervised, our kids might watch or read inappropriate and dangerous content from the

internet

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Children

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are vulnerable to those things

due to

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their innocence.

Moreover

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, a health issue,

such

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as mental health and eye problems,

also

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might occur at an early age. They

also

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might not develop communication and socialization skills since they

use

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their playtime in front of gadgets

instead

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of playing with their friends. In my opinion, we have to control how long

children

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spend their time using their

smartphones

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. There is an abundance of benefits we can get from it, but we

also

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cannot ignore the drawbacks. The advantage mentioned above can be obtained by registering our

children

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for tech classes addressed for their age, so the contents of our kids' access to the

internet

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can be controlled. In fact, even the most tech companies' CEO do not give their

children

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smartphones

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until a certain age.

Therefore

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, it must be a good reason to restrain the screen time of our

children

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USE

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SYNONYMS offspring It is important to

use

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synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and

use

Use synonyms

the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. 's

smartphones

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. In conclusion, the development

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

children

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spend hours on their

smartphones

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every day is leaning more towards the negative one.

rianadmajaSun Jun 23 2024

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task achievement

You've covered the topic well and provided reasons and examples to support your ideas. However, try to vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition.

coherence cohesion

The structure of your essay is clear, but there are some minor clarity issues. Make sure your ideas flow logically and you proofread for grammatical consistency.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are well-supported, but adding more specific examples and elaborating on them would strengthen your argument further.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarizes your viewpoint.

task achievement

You provide a balanced perspective by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children spending time on smartphones.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

542 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

All children should study a foreign language in school in school, starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it look in today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where relevant.

It is important to give children to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?