IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

due to a more sedentary lifestyles, children in developed nations have higher levels of obesity compared to previous generations. what problems does this cause and what are the possible consequences?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays in some developed countries,
children
Use synonyms
 suffer from heavy schoolwork and require more dedication to academics.
This
Linking Words
 issue made
children
Use synonyms
 spend more time in their seats
instead
Linking Words
 of attending activities, leading to a higher proportion of
obesity
Use synonyms
 than before. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will address the possible reasons and potential results. As regards the plausible causes, increasing levels of
obesity
Use synonyms
 among kids may result from less exercise and more options for unhealthy foods.
For example
Linking Words
, to achieve good grades, students devote themselves more to studying and preparing for exams, making them less engaged in outdoor activities and exercising.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a great number of young adults nowadays choose to play video games or socialize on the internet rather than doing sports with their friends, contributing to an increased amount of time sitting still.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in modern days often make unhealthier choices of foods
due to
Linking Words
 the accessibility of fast food, let alone fast food is so appealing and affordable for young people in general. Upon closer examination of future consequences,
children
Use synonyms
 with
obesity
Use synonyms
 issues may grow up suffering from a high risk of health issues.
For instance
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
 may lead to cholesterol or heart disease.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if those diseases start showing syndromes at an early stage of age, it may significantly affect students' academic performances. More importantly, poor academic performance may badly influence future career development.
In addition
Linking Words
, poor physical fitness can affect the mental well-being of young people, as they may receive peer judgements or criticisms from others based on the strict beauty standards to which people are exposed. In conclusion, the issue of growing rates of
obesity
Use synonyms
 among the young generation should be taken more seriously, since there are several severe impacts on youngsters both physically and academically.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: