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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past children often played outdoor games with their friends. Nowadays children often connect with their friends online instead Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience.

In my opinion,
this
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 is mostly a negative development, even though it has some small positive sides.
While
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 state-of-the-art technology has made it easier for kids to stay in touch, spending too much time online can affect their health, social skills, and happiness.
To begin
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 with,in the past,
children
Use synonyms
 commonly engaged in outdoor activities
such
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 as hide and seek, cricket, or tag, often playing in parks or neighbourhood streets. These traditional games not only kept them physically active but
also
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 fostered essential social skills. By interacting with peers in real-life situations,
children
Use synonyms
 developed teamwork, learned to manage conflicts, and improved their ability to communicate face-to-face.
Moreover
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, outdoor play provides fresh air and regular exercise, both crucial for their physical and mental development. Importantly, it
also
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 taught them how to gracefully handle victories and losses, which are valuable life lessons. Contrarily, today, many
children
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 spend excessive time on digital devices, preferring video games or online chats over outdoor play.
Although
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this
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 helps them stay in touch with distant friends, it often leads to a sedentary lifestyle, weight gain, and emotional issues like loneliness. Relying on virtual communication can
also
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 weaken real-life social skills, as
children
Use synonyms
 get used to texting rather than speaking.
For example
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, my younger cousins often choose mobile games over going outside and struggle with real-world interactions when they do. In conclusion,
while
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 online interactions and digital entertainment may offer certain conveniences, their long-term impact on
children
Use synonyms
 is largely detrimental. Striking a balance between technology use and outdoor play is key to nurturing a healthier, more socially capable younger generation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more clear transitions between ideas, so the reader can follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
You could add one or two more examples from life to strengthen your points about outdoor play or online games.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and supported it well with good reasons and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is solid, with a strong introduction and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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