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Writing Samples
Band 6

theie advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#theie #businesses #emphasise #products #development
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Nowadays
business
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people
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 are more aware of how to make their goods more popular
,
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apply
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 so that it gets sold faster and successfully. That’s why they do their marketing, stating that their
product
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 is newer and most recent influencing
people
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 to get themselves attracted to it. I think for them it is profitable but those
customers
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, sometimes become victims of the
product
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 they purchase after viewing the advertisement. When I say it’s good for the
business
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people
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 is because with, their super computed and well-designed advertisement,
people
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 believe that their goods are recent and better quality
as
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than
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 they viewed in the media.
Then
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 they purchase revenue
the
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from the
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 owner.
For instance
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, say computers, these products are usually sold when it is quite new and recent with more advanced features.
This
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 usually attracts
customers
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 when they see all those features on the screens making them eager to get one for them profiting the
business
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 owner.
In contrast
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,
product
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 users or
customers
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 are sometimes not satisfied with the
product
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 quality and their
product
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 show. When
such
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 a mismatch between the
product
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 and their prior promotion of the
product
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,
people
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 become victims resulting in losing trust in their
product
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.
Moreover
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, it gains
people
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’s attention to their
product
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 when they state about the
product
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 and its recent updates.
This
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 too contributes remuneration of the
business
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people
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.
However
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, we see both benefits and losses for the
customers
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. In a nutshell, I would say that the form of advertisement is good for the shopkeepers
as well as
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 for the
customers
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.
Nonetheless
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, the
customers
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 should be responsible for their choice of an item.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the clear development of ideas.
Lexical Resource
Improve the precision of your language and avoid grammatical mistakes.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
Task Achievement
Ensure to answer all parts of the question in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competition
  • Consumer demand
  • Novelty
  • Innovation
  • Progress
  • Differentiation
  • Attract
  • Generate
  • Interest
  • Positive aspect
  • Negative aspect
  • Emphasize
  • Balancing
  • Quality
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