IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and chart below give information about migration to the UK. The graph below shows how long immigrants in the years 2000-2008 intended to stay in the UK. And the pie chart shows reasons for migration in 2008.

The graph and chart below give information about migration to the UK. The graph below shows how long immigrants in the years 2000-2008 intended to stay in the UK. And the pie chart shows reasons for migration in 2008.
#information #migration #uk #immigrants #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line
chart
Use synonyms
 compares the amount of time migrants to the UK wanted to stay over an
8 year
Add a hyphen
8-year
show examples
 period.
Moreoever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates why
people
Use synonyms
 decided to immigrate in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2008. In the line
chart
Use synonyms
, we can see
although
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who intended to stay for less than two years was stable for the first two years, it rose and became the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
favourite option for immigrants.
Also
Linking Words
 in the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, work was stated as the main reason for immigration. In the year 2000,
people
Use synonyms
 who migrated for a shorter period of time had the same figure as the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 migrants; both roughly at 150
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 a little over 50
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to stay between 2 to 4 years.
Short term
Add a hyphen
Short-term
show examples
 immigrants began to increase in 2001 and rose to almost 250
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and stayed at the same figure since
then
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the other two groups almost did not change,
mid term
Add a hyphen
mid-term
show examples
 migrants' figure fluctuated and
finally
Linking Words
, increased to 100
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2008. In the second
chart
Use synonyms
, it is shown that work and studying combined for merely 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the reasons for immigration in 2008; 38
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of which is accounted by work to be
percise
Correct your spelling
precise
.
People
Use synonyms
 who wanted to join their family were the third most prevalent with 16
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the remaining 14
precent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 was split up between
people
Use synonyms
 who chose other reasons or, did not want to answer
this
Linking Words
 question.
Submitted by parham.moonesi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, people, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: