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Band 7

Companies should try to make their workers satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #workers #work
It is sometimes argued that businesses should do what they can to improve their
workers
' satisfaction. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 idea, and I will explain why. The key reason is that satisfied
workers
 are often more productive because they are more focused on their tasks and they are more willing to put in extra effort for the greater good of the
company
.
As a result
 of higher productivity, the
company
 can reap financial benefits from making their
workers
 more fulfilled at
work
. Evidence
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 can be seen in my mother's brick factory. Her
workers
 complained that the pay was low and the working conditions were poor,
hence
 very low job satisfaction levels. After these problems were resolved, they felt more fulfilled at
work
 and their productivity improved significantly, resulting in higher profit margins. Another reason is that those who are happy at
work
 are much less likely to quit their jobs.
This
 means that the
company
 can make huge savings in training and recruiting. A good example of
this
 is that of Apple under Steve Jobs' reign. A sizable proportion of his
workers
 felt that they had to constantly endure extreme levels of stress, and they tended to quit after a few months
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
.
Thus
, the recruitment team had to
work
 very hard to find replacements and
then
 train them, and the
company
 had to pay a large amount of money for these tasks. These problems could have been avoided if Apple had paid more attention to how their employees felt at
work
. In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that companies should strive to make their
workers
 happier at
work
.
Submitted by Linh Thùy on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is developed and supported by evidence or examples. Your examples from personal and familiar contexts are good, try incorporating more universally recognizable examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve your essay by varying sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance readability and flow. While your essay is well-structured, more sophisticated use of language can elevate the coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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