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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countriesSummarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the typical weekday for students in three different countriesSummarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #weekday #students #three #countriessummarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates data regarding special working days for classmates in three different states. Generally speaking,
it is clear that
Linking Words
overall
Linking Words
, students spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 studying.
Whereas
Linking Words
, they have the least amount of relaxed
time
Use synonyms
. First off, the highest number of students sleeping on weekdays in the UK, which was 8.5. The next largest figure is learning
time
Use synonyms
, which was 8. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, the sleeping
time
Use synonyms
 in Germany is the same as
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 UK.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the digit of relaxation
time
Use synonyms
 for learners in both the UK and Germany was 7.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Germany has the maximum learning
time
Use synonyms
 on weekdays, with the number 9.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Japan’s studying expenses are the tallest among the typical workdays in three countries, with a figure of 13. Contrary to that, classmates
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the fewest days to loosen up, which was only 4.
However
Linking Words
, the number of sleeping is slightly more than relaxing, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 by 3.
Finally
Linking Words
, Japan has very dramatic weekdays.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • typical weekday
  • students
  • academic activities
  • leisure activities
  • rest
  • time spent
  • comparison
  • sleep patterns
  • cultural differences
  • educational system
  • commuting
  • variations
  • schedule
  • highlighting
  • differences
  • similarities
  • anomalies
  • amount of time
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